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It's a public disgrace! Shame onyou!" Why would you want to say those things?" she asked."Oh, it's just a little joke I'm playing on a boy. Can you tell me howto say it?" She shrugged and taught me the words. I made her repeatthem several times, writing it all down word for word and practicing mypronunciation until she assured me that I had it right.On my way back to the Hotel Arts I stopped at a shop on Las Ramblas topurchase a good pair of binoculars. Then it was back to the beach tocontinue my strange routine. Every night, after phone sex with Jacquesand a room service dinner, I used my notebook computer to search theInternet for information about the corrosive effects of seawater. Inever came up with anything conclusive as to cause and effect, so I wouldjust have to go with my gut. Finally one morning I decided that it wastime.After breakfast at my normal hour I opened one of the buckets on thelanai and carefully fished out the remains of my purse, which looked morelike. I suppose we've both pretty much accepted it, butit's still such a mystery how it happened exactly. I really try not todwell on it anymore. But in a few weeks, I'm scheduled to give birth.I'm very aware that my former life as a male, as Thomas, will become adistant memory. So, I feel that it's time to record my thoughts, to secretly documentthe incredible transformation that my wife and I experienced. I am ready to move beyond this - I'm ready to completely and totallyaccept the fact that I am a woman now and that I always will be. I amexcited about the changes and the challenges that lie ahead. I can'tignore the reality of my situation nor my new role as a wife, a mother,a woman. It's only in the past few months that I've come to feel that I shouldwrite this. There have been incredible changes in my entire perspectiveand with the imminent birth of my child I will transcend into a newrealm of self-awareness. It's funny how being pregnant does that. Perhaps that's such.
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